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An excessive amount of consideration and sources are given to the safety of untamed animals and birds (agree/disagree)

IELTS Model Essay Sample Band 18 December 2023

This essay subject was seen in current IELTS check in India.

Some folks say that an excessive amount of consideration and sources are given to the safety of untamed animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Lately, the rising allocation of sources for the safety of untamed animals and birds has given rise to the query of whether or not or not it’s justified. Whereas some argue that these efforts are essential for sustaining biodiversity, others imagine that the sources and a focus devoted to this trigger are extreme. Personally, I believe that humanity has different wants which can be equally worthy of funding.

The primary level to think about is that the disproportionate concentrate on wildlife conservation usually overshadows extra urgent human considerations. For example, sources allotted for the safety of a single endangered species may probably be redirected to handle pressing human wants, reminiscent of healthcare, schooling, or poverty alleviation. In creating international locations, the place sources are notably scarce, the selection to prioritise wildlife over important human points will be particularly problematic. For instance, in some African nations, huge sums are invested in defending sure wildlife species, whereas fundamental human requirements stay unmet for a good portion of the inhabitants.

Moreover, extreme concentrate on wildlife safety can result in unintended unfavorable penalties for native communities. Typically, conservation efforts contain limiting entry to pure sources that communities have historically relied upon, resulting in financial hardships. In components of Asia, as an illustration, the institution of protected areas for tigers has generally resulted within the displacement of indigenous communities or restrictions on their entry to forest sources, that are important for his or her livelihoods. Not solely does this create battle between people and wildlife, but it surely additionally raises moral questions concerning the equity of such conservation methods.

In conclusion, whereas the safety of untamed animals and birds is definitely necessary, putting a steadiness is essential. The present overemphasis on wildlife conservation, usually on the expense of addressing human wants and respecting the rights of native communities, suggests a necessity for rethinking. A sustainable method ought to think about each environmental and human components equally.

Instructor’s suggestions:

General, the essay would seemingly obtain a Band 8. It successfully addresses the duty with a transparent place, is well-organised, makes use of a variety of vocabulary, and demonstrates a excessive stage of grammatical management.

Activity Response: Band 8
The essay presents a transparent opinion and helps it with related examples. For example, the author discusses the allocation of sources to wildlife conservation versus pressing human wants like healthcare and schooling, and the affect on native communities in Asia and Africa. To realize the next band, the argument may very well be deepened with extra assorted views or options.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The essay is well-organised with clear paragraphing. Cohesive gadgets reminiscent of “Moreover” and “For example” are used to attach concepts. For the next band, extra subtle cohesive gadgets may very well be employed.

Lexical Useful resource: Band 8
The essay makes use of a very good vary of vocabulary, together with phrases like “disproportionate,” “unintended unfavorable penalties,” and “sustainable method.” To succeed in the next band, extra exact and assorted vocabulary may very well be used.

Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: Band 8
The essay demonstrates a mixture of easy and sophisticated sentence buildings with accuracy. Examples of advanced buildings embody conditional phrases (“may probably be redirected”) and relative clauses (“that communities have historically relied upon”). The grammar is basically correct, contributing to the readability of the essay.

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